Caught in the Act
by Leanna
Summary: Lily is out on patrol when she accidentally discovers a well kept secret. SLASH. Remus & Sirius. TwoPart Ficlet. Please RR!
1. Part One

**A/N: **This came to me suddenly, on the one day that my computer decided to DIE on me. (New hardrive - $130, Service fees - $260, Having your fanfiction backed up - priceless) Therefore, this is the ficlet with which I rediscovered the joys of long hand. Gah.

**Disclaimer: **I may not own Sirius, but I do own his moans of pleasure. (Ooh, dirty!)

**Warning:** It's SLASH. Shocking, I know. If it makes you feel any better, Lily was pretty shocked too.

**Rating:** T – for major innuendo.

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**Part One: "It's Always the Pretty Ones"**

Lily Evans sighed as she patrolled the first floor corridors. Normally, she didn't mind patrol, but at this time of day nearly all of the first floor classes were in session, making it entirely possible that she could go through her complete rounds without once meeting another student. Though she would never actually admit it, in truth she was so thoroughly bored at the moment that she found herself wishing she could remember one of James Potter's spur of the moment brilliant excuses to take to Prof. McGonagall and get herself out of this boredom.

Instead, she just kept on down the corridor, still always the perfect head girl. As she turned the corner, however, she heard a sound coming from the girls' toilets. When she got closer she decided it sounding like someone moaning. Typically, she would have stopped to check it out, but it was common knowledge that that particular bathroom was haunted by a ghost not-so-affectionately referred to as 'Moaning Myrtle', so she wasn't particularly concerned.

As she was about to continue on, however, she heard the noise again, a bit louder, and realized that the voice was distinctly male. She couldn't help but wonder what on earth a boy would be doing in Moaning Myrtle's toilets, so she decided to investigate.

She opened the door cautiously, hoping to find out what was going on before revealing herself. As soon as the sound came again, she felt a blush rise to her cheeks almost immediately. She was no longer confused as to what this boy was doing or why he was doing it here. She was about to slip back out to the corridor, to avoid the awkwardness of a confrontation, when the boy moaned again – the distinct and final moan of ecstasy and release. Only this time the moan came out as a name, and all at once Lily recognized the voice. She clapped a hand over her mouth to keep from gasping just as Sirius Black exited the stall and walked out toward the taps, still unaware of her presence.

She knew she should leave right now, before he turned around, but she was temporarily paralyzed by the weight of her new knowledge. Any way she looked at it, the facts were undeniable: she had just caught the ultimate playboy of Hogwarts wanking in the loo – while moaning another boy's name.

**& & &**

Sirius turned towards the door, wiping his newly washed hands on his trousers, when he finally noticed Lily. They stood staring at one another for what seemed like hours, neither knowing exactly what to say.

"Erm… shouldn't you be in class, Black?" Lily ventured finally, trying to regain a semblance of her normal haughty head girl self.

"I'm protesting history of magic for being ridiculously boring." Sirius quipped half-heartedly, obviously uncomfortable and unsure of how much Lily knew or had heard.

Suddenly, Lily seemed to realize the amazing power she now held over Sirius Black. Sirius, who had (along with James Potter) done just about everything in his power to make her life difficult for the past seven years, was now completely at her mercy. This revelation brightened her mood considerably and she shot Sirius a big smile, causing him to flinch noticeably.

"You know, if you want my advice – if you're going to skip class in order to… well…" She left the action unsaid, knowing from Sirius' blush that he got her meaning. "Well, you might want to at least charm the door to lock. Especially given whose name you were moaning."

Sirius's composure was quickly crumbling at Lily's words. At first she enjoyed the feeling of being the tormentor for once instead of the tormented, but the feeling faded fast as she watched the mixture of fear and shame and desperation grow in Sirius's eyes. All at once she felt utterly awful for teasing him and wished she had left when she had the chance.

"Listen, Lily," he said urgently, using her proper name for effect, "I know we've never exactly been the greatest friends, but please, _please_, don't tell anyone about this. I can't lose him – not over this. I just can't. Please."

Lily felt a hundred times worse as she watched Sirius's eyes start to well up with frustrated tears.

"I won't say a word." She assured him instantly. "Honestly, Sirius, I was just messing around. I could never do that to you. I promise."

"Besides, I can hardly even believe it's the truth." She added as an afterthought.

At this, Sirius laughed, though it sounded to Lily somewhat bitter.

"Of course not. Sirius Black, gay? That's just insane." He replied ironically.

"Well, shagging half the girls in school usually does tend to indicate that one is straight." Lily shot back, matching his tone.

"People exaggerate." Sirius offered noncommittally.

"Look, why don't you go to class, and I'll go back to my rounds, and we'll just pretend this little incident never happened." She suggested finally after a few more moments of awkward silence.

Sirius didn't have to be told twice.

"Believe me Evans, I'd take Binns's droning over this conversation any day." He agreed, moving past her towards the door.

He shot one last searching look at her over his shoulder, and whatever he saw on her face must have been sufficient reassurance, because seconds later he was gone. Lily stayed in the loo for a few more minutes, still trying to process what had just happened.

"It's always the pretty ones." Myrtle offered helpfully, floating over from her stall.

Lily didn't hear her however, she was too busy searching her memories for all the telltale signs she must have missed. Suddenly, a half smile began to spread across her features.

_It couldn't be. Could it?_

She almost laughed aloud.

_This was just _too_ perfect._

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Don't worry, that's not the end! The conclusion is coming next week (hopefully).

Review! It'll make me happy. Come on, I'm depressed and computerless and I typed this up at the public library, just for you guys!


	2. Part Two

**A/N:** Hey, loves! I didn't mean to take quite so long with this conclusion! I blame it on the computer issues. That's also why I didn't get a chance to respond to all of your lovely reviews personally. But thank you so much! My computer is all fixed and I promise I will respond this time.

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own it. Except the dirty magazine. I own that. ;)

**Warning:** -le gasp- It's slash!

**Rating:** T– for more fun innuendo, of course (though nothing quite as wonderful as the last part, I'm afraid).

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**Part Two: "I think I've proven my point"**

"So when, exactly, were you going to tell me?" Lily asked, flopping down on the couch in the Gryffindor common room beside one of her best friends, Remus Lupin.

Remus looked up from his book, giving her a mildly puzzled smile.

"Tell you what?" He returned.

"That you are completely in love with Sirius Black." She clarified with a bit of an exasperated sigh, as if there were nothing else she could have been talking about.

To say Remus looked surprised would be a bit of an understatement. His eyes opened wider than she would have ever thought possible as he scanned the room quickly to see if anyone had heard.

"Lily!" He hissed. "That is not funny!"

Lily laughed playfully at the discomfort she was causing her friend.

"You should have see your face." She said, still laughing.

Remus just scowled at her and attempted to return to the book he'd been reading.

"So, when _were_ you going to tell me?" Lily repeated after a moment, but in a much softer voice.

Remus looked up from his book just long enough to glare at her.

"Lily, I don't know what gave you that idea, but I do not fancy Sirius Black!" He whispered fiercely.

Lily sighed deeply.

"You know, Remus, I'm just trying to help you." She informed him in a particularly long-suffering tone of voice.

"Well, don't." Remus snapped.

"Fine!" Lily replied shortly.

She made to stand up and storm off but she couldn't help remembering the look on Sirius's face – his desperate plea, _"I can't lose him."_

She sat back down.

"I'm sorry for joking earlier, I shouldn't have done that." She said softly. "It's just that I don't know exactly what to do here, okay?"

Remus sat his book down again, his expression softening rapidly.

"Look, you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. I just want you to know that you can." Lily finished, trying to convey her sincerity.

Remus considered her for a moment, his brow slightly furrowed.

"How did you find out?" He asked finally, his voice still barely above a whisper.

Lily squealed.

"Ha! I knew it!" She shouted triumphantly.

Several people turned to look at her and she blushed sheepishly.

"Erm, sorry." She muttered, noticing Remus's scowl had returned.

"Look," she continued, before he could hide behind his book again, "I can't tell you how I know this, but I can tell you for a fact that he feels the same way."

Remus eyed her suspiciously.

"Did he say something to you?" He asked.

"Well, not in so many words." Lily answered vaguely, remembering their awkward conversation. "But believe me, I know."

"No offense, Lils, but you don't exactly have me convinced." Remus informed her rather dryly. He was definitely still a bit upset with her.

Lily sighed deeply. This was turning out to be much more work than she'd expected.

"Oh, I know!" She exclaimed suddenly, jumping to her feet and dragging Remus up with her. "Come on!"

She grabbed his hand and pulled him up the stairs to the boys' dormitories. Remus might have tried to protest, but he was too intrigued by what she was going to show him.

"Which one is Sirius's?" She asked once they had entered the room.

Remus pointed to the four poster that lay in the messiest corner of the room. Not to say that that was much of an achievement, mind you. If Lily hadn't have been on a mission she probably would have hesitated even to step inside the door. She was actually quite certain from the first step that something had died in there at some point. Then again, that could just be the year's worth of unwashed socks.

"Ah ha!" She exclaimed, pulling something out from under the mattress.

Remus came and looked at her find. It was a battered and worn old copy of 'Motorcycle Magazine'.

"I hardly see what that proves." He said, shaking his head.

Lily rolled her eyes.

"It's charmed, you dolt." She told him, as if this should have been quite obvious.

"_Finite Incantum_." Remus muttered, pointing his wand at the magazine.

The cover instantly changed, making both Remus and Lily blush profusely. Lily quickly replaced it under the mattress.

"So," she said, still blushing, "I think I've proven my point."

**& & &**

"Oh, wait." Sirius said, stopping suddenly and slapping a hand to his forehead. "I left my bag back in the divination tower."

"Alright, I'll catch up with you later." James replied with a shrug. "I've got something to take care of anyway."

"Another Evans rejection to attend, you mean?" Sirius asked, giving his friend a knowing smirk.

James blushed slightly, mainly because Sirius was right.

"She'll come around one of these days." He muttered, mostly to himself.

Sirius started back down the hallway in the direction they had just come.

"You just keep telling yourself that, mate." He called over his shoulder with a laugh.

He was still laughing slightly when he reached the landing. It caught in his throat however, when he noticed Remus was there. He was coming from the direction of the divination classroom, though Sirius couldn't imagine what he'd been doing there since he didn't take that class.

"Hey." He offered, noticing Remus looked slightly flushed. He remembered the full moon was only two days away and wondered vaguely if Remus was already feeling some of the effects.

"Hey." Remus replied, suddenly looking nervous for some reason. "I thought I'd missed you."

"You were looking for me?" Sirius asked unnecessarily, wishing his heart would stop racing.

Remus took a small step forward and Sirius involuntarily felt himself backing up into the wall.

"Yeah," Remus said. Sirius noticed his voice had become remarkably quiet and uneven. "I just… I wanted to see if… Well, that is, Lily said…"

_Lily!_ Sirius cursed under his breath. He was going to kill her. She had promised not to say anything!

"Look, whatever she told you, it's not what you think." He said quickly, his voice shaky and not sounding very convincing even to his own ears.

Remus was closer now, only a step left between them. Sirius couldn't read the expression on his friend's face, and he desperately wanted to know what was going on in his mind.

He was just about to open his mouth to offer another feeble attempt at an excuse, when suddenly Remus had closed the distance between them and his mouth became otherwise occupied. Very pleasantly occupied, in fact.

"Oh," Sirius somehow managed to say, once they had finally pulled apart.

Remus grinned at his friend's lack of articulation. He knew exactly what he meant.

**& & &**

Back in the dorms, Lily found herself once again being harassed by a lovesick James Potter.

"Come on, Lily. Just give me five minutes!" He begged, throwing himself at her feet in his usual melodramatic way.

She couldn't help the small smile that lit her features as she tugged her robes out of his grasp.

"Oh, shove off, Potter." She said, though with slightly less malice than usual. "I've already done my good deed for today."

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Well, there it is! Sorry again about the delay. Reviewers get shiny gold stars!


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